Sex When You’re Busy and Young

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When your calendar is filled with dates reserved for having fun with your many friends, birthday parties of your friends’ young children, and precious ‘me time’, it’s really tough to be in the mood to make room for sex with a romantic partner

It’s hard to find time for sex when you are in your thirties because there is so much to do, from going out on the grocery run to completing that project by the deadline (yet again). In these times, cultivating a romantic relationship is hard enough, let alone, finding time for sex but there are still foolproof ways to do it all: having sex might seem like a routine after a point in time, especially if that sex involves with the same (romantic) partner but if it’s your favourite routine, then that makes it a lot easier to look forward to it, when you have other things going on in your life, that is constantly inviting your attention a lot more.

Sex should also be something to enjoy: ideas range from sex in a public restroom or an empty movie theater, when you are in the mood to do something naughty, but everything doesn’t always have to be something so risky because being non-risky doesn’t automatically equals to something boring – taking a trip together can spice things up in the relationship (for sex too) because new places create different experiences.

Another drawback to being a young busy couple, is the thought of pregnancy and how now having sex isn’t simple anymore – most women can have sex before their delivery date, but if you work with your partner on this, the problem should still get resolved over which ideas are the best to choose when you are both having a baby. What’s even more challenging, in my opinion, is to have sex after a baby is born: sneaking in time for sex inbetween daily activities, having sex when your kid is with your parents, or when a babysitter is looking after your child, are good options.

Me time is the only time of the day, I wish I had more of, because it gives me the opportunity to just relax with a good book or a great movie. I would hate it if I had to give up a portion of this to spend time with a boyfriend because friends don’t have that expectation of you but sometimes you have to choose: do a trip to the movies by yourself, every once in a while and keep the other dates on your calendar, which were chalked as moments to enjoy a movie at home, as ‘sex nights’, instead – the change in the routine might even invigorate you and your romantic relationship.

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Seven Date Ideas For Valentine’s Day

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The 14th of February should always be a date to remember

Valentine’s Day is almost here. In fact, it’s only a week away. I don’t have anything planned for this big romantic day – and most certainly, got nothing on my mind that involves plenty of romance. I think for me the ideal activity to be indulging on Valentine’s Day would be to just grab my best mate and make him sit with me at the cinema. I know it’s not the wildest idea and there is no dinner involved at the movies, unless scrumptious hot dogs count, but La La Land is playing and it’s better than staying inside in my PJs and doing nothing at all. But if I had to get romantic, these date ideas would be ideal. Not only are they seasonal, they are also like a real life fairy tale and perfect.

A cold sleigh ride

Sleigh rides always remind me of Christmas. But because it is winter, they can also double up as a romantic idea – you should try it out atop snowy hills because the thrill (and beauty of the scenery combined) will make for an amazing experience.

Go to the ballet

Ballet is so romantically creative. Just to watch dancers on stage in their costumes perform to beautifully orchestrated sounds and a neat script is a treat in itself but it’s always great when you have your partner to share those moments with.

Shop for groceries from the farmer’s market

Seasonal vegetables, such as lettuce and onions can be scouted for from your local farmer’s market. This is one shopping experience that can actually be paired with your date, but make it a day-effort – the fresh veg that the two of you will pick out also needs to make up your impromptu dinner date.

Play a game

Board games and solitaire are two of my favourite ways to waste time. A game night sounds like the perfect idea because for a change you get to be one of the boys, with your guy – for your boyfriend, it would be just like a game night with the boys, except there are no requests for seriously annoying time outs from him or the whole ‘his boys, but they aren’t your guys’ all because you don’t find gambling as fun as a pretty dress, cheesy pizza and gabbing.

Snuggle with a scary book or a scary film

This is a good idea because just remembering The Shining scares me, which is why reading horror novels such as those are best kept when you have your boyfriend for company – like on the night of Valentine’s Day.

Ice skating

Right, this date might really be for people who can skate but don’t be put off by that: just make sure whilst skating like a pro (for the first time) that you only fall in the snow, when your boyfriend is not looking.

Throw snow balls at each other

I would never promise myself that I wouldn’t get carried away throwing snowballs at my date, on a date – just the thought of him laughing because he thinks I look like a kid in my jumbo woolly coat makes me want to rapidly throw bigger and bigger snowballs at him to win it and turn his smile upside down. But the flip side of this date is that it is also very cute, really fun and so cheap.

How To Spot A Cheater

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It is the most awful feeling in the world: getting cheated upon. But perhaps nothing can cushion the blow that comes from the excuses that a cheater will give you when discovered. Here’s how to spot some of the most common ones:

  • He never meant to hurt you.
  • Monogamy doesn’t come towards men.
  • He loved you very deeply when he finally slept with her, last night.
  • He doesn’t do clingy for too long.
  • You did not meet his needs.
  • He needed closure from what he thought was a relationship on the verge of a breakup.
  • He wants to get back together but you will never forgive him.

“The Talks” Every Couple Should Have

I read this fiction piece in The New York Times, today – it was a story about open relationships and how that worked out for the couple. The mindgames, the “butterflies in your stomach” aside, the relationship seemed casual, amicable and experimental – the only thing that stood in its way was one partner’s larger-than-life dreams of being the best philosopher of his generation and a woman who wanted to have him, at any cost.

The price tag of that open relationship ended up costing her more than she had bargained for – jealousy soon brewed, piloted by a suspicious nonchalant attitude to your lover’s coming-ins-and-going-outs with men you have never met, and it didn’t take the pair to become estranged. Although, the author found a happily ever after in a typical “American Dream” fashion, it got me thinking about the crucial topics that pairs often put off talking about that really belong out in the open, than within yourself. Try, with all your might to avoid these pitfalls of every relationship!

Money

The top causes for arguments for lovers is money. Financial compatibility is crucial for long-term relationships: you should discuss about money, salaries, raises, savings, debt, joint bank accounts, help each other reach and attain financial security, ask each other to advise on finances and tips on how to save up more.

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Living Together

Talk about living together: for it or against it? Simply talking about it more helps you to have a strong relationship, a stronger marriage on the cards, on the future. Don’t be put-off from the idea just because it gives so many men cold feet – set the tone at first and gauge the situation before you pounce with “the talk”. If you guy is still cautious but laidback in the relationship, then ask him what he feels about living together because you have been thinking an awful lot about it lately. If he is too emotional, then don’t beat around the bush with the thought: simply blurt out how much living together with him would be such a great idea.

The Sex

Regular sex is good for a relationship. You do not have to be wild like when you were young and busy sowing all your oats, in separate farms, but do think about if sex is still as good as it was, when you originally started going out. Talk about sex, talk about moves, talk about your favourite hot and romantic scenes in films, such as The Notebook and see if you both agree with each other, with time, on all matters sex.

Babies

Becoming a mother or a father takes a lot of talks because it is a serious decision. You should talk about where he stands on “the babies debate” before you dive into a serious relationship. If you have always  wanted kids, and he didn’t, it is unlikely he will change himself for you. Don’t be unrealistic – a practical head will save you from years of sorrow, sprung from incompatibility, that fast-romances don’t always point out to you. As you grow in your relationship, also grow your talks on becoming a parent – also, say it upfront, don’t hide it!

Getting Married

Most men do not just pop the question, just like that, which is why couples should opt to talk about where they stand on the topic of marriage.   They should discuss if marriage is on the cards – now, in the near future, in the far future, or never? When you do be causal about the subject: make it look like you do, when you are talking about which pizza to order – pepperoni or the one that has cut-up sausages, smoked bacon and ham all over it?

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Why Do Marriages Fail?

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Men and women are from two different planets, they say. One is from Mars, whilst the other is from Venus. As a result, no matter how progressive or advanced of a girl you are, chances are that you are still so different from your partner. You eat a different way, communicate a different way, and even shop a different way. Women are often so shaken up over their past relationships that they find it hard to move on from the experiences. It’s not so much the lingering feelings, which undoubtedly time can heal, as it is the cheating, the betrayal, the insensitive attitude towards leaving her.

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They often find that upon breaking up, those men immediately began dating another woman. This woman does not seem concerned in the slightest that he left his previous girlfriend after 10 years, all suddenly because he no longer felt the same way about her. The truth is that the relationship was probably fraught with problems: drug addiction, uncontrollable rage, too much interest in sex, constant wandering eye and having to live with the fear if he will ever take the plunge there (he is a reformed bad boy, for you, he says so, you think so too, but for how long?), too much emotional baggage (can’t deal with his wife remarrying, even though they divorced 15 years ago), hyper-sensitivity, too much jealousy, there is a limit to how much a person can tolerate, both man or woman.

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But because they do not talk over it, or even if they do there is a basic gap in that communication, women misunderstand why that marriage broke up. So, that relationship has been ending for a really long time, you just ended up missing the warning signals. A holiday with the family, business trips he took to Chicago, lack of intimacy for a continued period of time, his regular working late pattern (what is always keeping him THAT busy?). Don’t be afraid to talk about matters, voice your opinion, because otherwise your relationship will end. In America, from the 1970s onwards, marriages have been failing by-large: somewhere around 40percent of women leave their marriages. Not to go into families, where a secular attitude let’s a partner’s perspective towards monogamy slide, often, in favour of a clear and present marriage, but sexual infidelity is a big game-changer for many married women.

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It is the single most common source of divorce, despite partners taking vows everyday that expect them to remain faithful to each other. Cohabiting couples have a greater chance of breaking up than married couples, and they also have nothing to call back their faith in a relationship, because they never took vows. Women nowadays want divorces more than men do, because they can afford it. As society progresses, women no longer need to be tied to an unfaithful relationship because there’s been a complete overhaul of how things work for women now in their lives.

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Women want separate things from a relationship, and it is most certainly more than just babies, a home or a fast car. A revolution in our society has already made it simple to have all of these for a woman by themselves, and they no longer need a man to provide it to them. They want intimacy, romance; they want to connect with their partners on a level deeper than sexual, and this for both homemakers and working women. Reasons for divorce vary from one woman to other – it can go from “emotional abuse” to “unresponsive to needs”. You have to let go of a partner that is no longer there for you because only then can you start something excitingly new. Make sure you have recovered your sense of place once more, first though. When dating the wrong guy or even the right guy in the initial stages, many women lose sight of themselves, and this is a big mistake they make because the guy will eventually lose interest in all the “put on” behaviour when he cannot locate the real you, he wanted to date in the first place.

Can LDRs Ever Survive The Test Of Time?

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A couple at the earliest stages of their relationship have everything going for them, from “butterflies in their stomach” to “anticipation over when they will next get to be with them”. But all of this evaporates, almost always, when that relationship takes to travelling long distances. When one partner moves home for work, the pair start to experience their greatest hurdle – the distance spent apart.

Everytime you talk about LDRs, the only response you get is a negative one – naysayers always try to pull it down, saying how difficult it is to make it work. But that is gross generalisation, because the level of commitment you share with your partner is the key ingredient to maintaining the relationship, and come high/low, there is no need to be scared about the distance suddenly.

Perhaps getting to know the person is hard when you live in two different states, so starting an LDR seems sketchy, at first. But in this digital age, it is hard to imagine that distance could ever be too much of a driving decision behind breaking up. If you are alright with the toned-down intimacy level this relationship has, then it is not impossible to make it work.

People tend to look at everyone with the same glasses as they do themselves or what they like about a particular topic, with the topic here being relationships. What works for you on the intimacy-level doesn’t have to be something that works for another person. Some people might cringe at the thought of having to spend too much time, with their partner.

An LDR might actually be just the relationship they need based on other essentials, such as mutual trust and affection. Furthermore, you should keep the momentum up over your attitude to dating: learn to disagree with each other, but avoid arguments as often as you can, always try to reinvigorate your relationship and look at it as if it was still your first date, converse with each other regularly, and maintain your own life, even whilst with someone.

The Secret Love Stories off Fan Girls

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A lot of women find the idea of fan girls terrifying. Most Hollywood stars have perfectly ordinary marriages. It is quite rare to see a celebrity couple, in the glare of spotlights, last for long. A couple do, but that is a really rare concept of love that you would be aiming for. It is hard enough for relationships to survive scares, as stories of your boss sleeping with his secretary, surfaces on a dreary Monday morning, and then to turn to Hollywood and see the picture no different.

This is after you met your boss’s wife at the office Christmas Party last year, and thought she was perfectly lovely – maybe more homely and all about her family, kids and her aspirations in life, over feminist causes, but still really lovely. She was most definitely not the “leather skirt wearing vixen”, that sits opposite to you and smiles preoccupied about the latest ring, your boss gave her, and then tends to paperwork duty you have given her to take care of, with yet another flash of smile.

I do enjoy her skirt more than her but it’s hard to sympathize with the notion of adultery: you have a perfectly good thing going with your wife, and then you cheat on her, rather than be a man, and break up with her. It would have been far less humiliating for the woman, if you could have left her some room to exit the relationship, in a dignified state, but you could not bring yourself to do so. You were in that relationship, you took responsibility for it, you can’t expect to be immune from criticism if you don’t act responsibly, when the magic between you and your wife has faded out.

And why is that so? The lack of responsibility? Speaking of adultery, that brings me back to the idea of: fan girls. When you are a pop star or a Hollywood actor, you often have thousands of women, swoon over you. It is more so for men, than for women, really because let’s face it: women are the ones who desperately want to get married, not men. Men just like to have pin-up girls around, to indulge in some kind of stories, fantasies and cultures, other than their really hard-slogging days at work.

They are not the pitfalls of every relationship, unless you decided to be with a guy who is exactly opposite from who you want to be in life, but that is rarely the norm. Fan-girl behaviour, on certain days, seems almost unavoidable: girls with an appetite for sexual activity, that is hardly ever appeased, satisfactorily, will do it. They will look at your friend, the kid you grew up with, who you helped get through tough times in life, such as running for cover in farms, for picking apples, when you shouldn’t, imparting wisdom on how to remain more committed to his ambitions in life, trying to find ways to see together how to ace school (or even an apprenticeship, if that’s what floats your boat, mate!), how to prepare for the first date, with a girl he has had a crush on for a good couple of weeks now, and lust after him, from afar.

They will look at your pop-idol, or the actor you grew up thinking was something like a peer to you because of everything he taught you in life, and want him sexually. How do you not get irked by sentiments like that? I do think that romance in life is important, if you are the kind, who wants it in your life. But this isn’t romance. This is, more like, hovering around maybe even a potential mate in the future, and being unable to express yourself, that you want him.

He doesn’t know it, because he doesn’t know women – he knows enough, to get by, but he isn’t fluent in it – that is why, the boys are so endearing, to me. Because they come like that, all loopsided and totally clueless about women, but still interested in having different kinds of experiences in life. But I can see it. I can sniff that these obese women are so interested in the guys.

So, my attitude to it all in my head has always been, something along the lines of “You know, this lady or that lady so wants to go out with Leonardo DiCaprio or Ryan Reynolds! They are like fish out of water, around him!”  I do have fun caricaturing those episodes, sometimes because that is how these girls behave…often. Most women do not have the guts to earn the label of a “homewrecker” because face it: who wants to be that sexy popular kitten, that always gets what she wants? Sometimes women chase men they previously dated because they are unable to get over him and there is nothing wrong with that. Women often need help, for a long time, to get closure to a relationship.

But some women are insistent that they belong with a guy because of his status, his looks, his money and his lifestyle. So, what would you have to say to that? I would think that this kind of superficial romance is what often fills up celebrity gossip pages, that can be nauseating to the public. I do peer over it, very rarely, but that is not a definition of a relationship, I believe. It’s not a publicity stunt, no. I have actually never heard of any of that in Hollywood, but it is a sort of a life you aim to flaunt.

Do I think it is shallow? Maybe. But that depends on whether or not, you get any fulfillment out of it. It’s hard to imagine, that game can be kept up for a very long time, because you don’t get a lot out of it, apart from earning a name on society pages, which is if you are strong-headed enough to aim for, then I wouldn’t be the one to be judgemental about it, no!

But fan girls: why do you want to lust after a guy you have never met? Barely met? Don’t know much about, upon first sight, even though that first sight, gave you love? Why so much enchantment, with an ordinary bloke, you have never even got the chance to be close to? Why would you want to be close to that fish, when there are so many fishes like that in the pond? Why that random sexy shark, particularly?